Immortal Earnings is a comedy metafictional fantasy about the secret of immortality, believed to be contained in a talking sword created by the irreverent wizard Prang.
It was finally found after centuries of searching, but is immediately stolen by a mad wizard, who intends to use it to rule the world, or something.
His ex-business partner hires a trio of 'adventurers' to get it back: an Elven wizard fresh from his magic proficiency test, a permanently armoured human warrior and his immensely strong four-armed weapons caddy, complete with a loaded weapons rack.
They are saddled with a reluctant member of their employer's staff, and set out on a journey of misadventures, curious encounters and, quite frankly, world shattering consequences.
They are aware they are part of a story, but their world is as real to them as ours is to us, where greed, destiny, accident-prone gods and, above all, luck interfere with monotonous regularity.
Click the sword above to read the first 21 pages in a downloadable PDF file.
See if this book is for you before spending any money.
You don't really want to know about me, do you?
As it's a first novel the book is the important thing, so here is a brief history of Immortal Earnings, with a special guest brief history of me! (I'm the short one in the photo, and yes, in those days they allowed you to roam around with the animals).
When I was 18 I read what was, and probably still is, the funniest book I've ever seen. It inspired me to write Immortal Earnings, and that was way back in 1981.
So, I got out my typewriter ('a what?' I hear you ask) and wrote the first draft of what was called at the time 'The Land That Tolkien Forgot'.
Then I went to university and did nothing more to it until I finally got a very basic computer and word processor years later.
Since then I have re-written it many times. I nearly gave up on it when I discovered Terry Pratchett, believing people would think I was just copying him, but stopped reading his books after five or six, not wanting to be influenced by him.
However, in the 1990s, when I was working as an Art and Design Technician at a local college, a student read it and encouraged me to try and get it published.
This I did, but the folder full of rejection letters gave me a strong hint that it wasn't ready. However, one literary agency suggested it was too long, and that I should turn it into two books.
This was almost as valuable as getting accepted, because I followed that advice and split it in two. I rearranged the story, which along with the characters and most of the situations, has stayed basically the same since the first draft, and the new and improved Immortal Earnings was born.
I had another attempt at getting an agent in 2025, but there were very few who would even contemplate taking on a book like this. Besides, even if someone took me on, I would have to make changes to bring it more into the mainstream, and then it wouldn't be my book.
I decided to stop the process and self-publish instead.
The sequel has been written, but needs more work before it's ready, and despite the possibility of a third book, each novel can stand alone in its own right.
It's only taken about forty-five years, but I didn't want to rush it!
Self-publishing isn't cheap. The books are priced so that I get a small amount per book, otherwise it's not worth doing.
The Special Edition is a higher quality book with extra features from another POD printer, but they are more expensive than Amazon.
The Special Edition Paperback is a slightly higher-quality version to the standard edition, and includes twenty additional illustrations throughout the book.
Clicking the link above will take you to the printer's purchase page. From that point, printing, payment and delivery are handled directly by them, so it may take a little longer to arrive than the standard edition from Amazon.
Self-publishing isn't cheap!
The Special Edition Hardback is a higher-quality version with a similar book cover to the paperback, but also includes a dust jacket (see the images to the right and above).
There are also twenty additional illustrations throughout the book.
Clicking the link above will take you to the printer's purchase page. From that point, printing, payment and delivery are handled directly by them, so it may take a little longer to arrive than the standard edition from Amazon.
Self-publishing isn't cheap!
You may have noticed that I haven't asked you for your email address.
The reason is simple: I don't intend to bombard you with updates, offers or anything else. If you want to know what's happening, you can come back here to check on the progress of Immortal Earnings, the sequel, or any other books I may write in the future.If I have anything interesting to report, I'll put it here. That includes progress on the sequel, which has already been written but needs more work before I consider it publishable.If you have any questions, or need to contact me about the book, a purchase, or anything else related to Immortal Earnings, you can email me at:[email protected]I don't do social media. It's too toxic and brings out the worst in people, despite probably being the best way of getting my book in front of a much larger audience.I have no particular desire to be rich and famous. Well, the 'rich' part would admittedly be quite nice, but I'm not motivated by accumulating 'excessive' wealth, which I consider to be one of the major problems in the world today.
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